Das Tagebuch

Hm...its true, money can't buy you love. I just thought me getting Dante more money would solve problems between us. He always wants to help his friends and he always wants things, so I just...well I thought he might be better if I gave it to him. We went through hell together to get it, and now that we have it all, nothing has changed. If it has, its gotten worse. I'm in such a horrible mood because of it too...that and other things that frustrate me.
I was exposed to Ed's blood, and he has HIV I guess, so I had to be tested. And instead of testing negative or positive, I tested 'negative' but with a possibility of it being too early to tell. So I have to take more pills, and I can't be with Dante at all still either. Oh, not to mention either of course I had a biopsy the other day and that too came back negative thankfully, but now my stupid spleen is all acting up. Could things just stop? I really want it to stop, I'm so frustrated and upset I could scream.
There is a lot more frustrating me too but...I don't know, I can't rant anymore.
Bee is back, which is good I'm guessing, means we won't be getting married. Dante does everything to avoid that...I am wondering if he'd notice if I took off the ring he gave me. I wonder if he'd notice if I went home...its been two years and he won't even take me on vacation. Maybe I need to go on one alone...Maybe I need to move out for awhile, give him space so he can think about what he really wants. I just have such a hard time because I love him so much. But what else am I supposed to do? I want him to do something for us...rather than Ed, or Bee or anybody. I'm so selfish I know, its horrible, but I've waited so long for my turn I am about ready to explode! I can only wait so long.